The Ruined Orgasm

How to Ruin an Orgasm

If you are involved in the edging, orgasm control, or gooning community you have probably seen people talking about “ruining” their orgasm. But what does that mean?

Photo by Moose Photos from Pexels

Imagine you are having a solo session and things are getting steamy. You know that soon you’re going to cum, and the urge to push yourself over the edge is irresistible. But what if, as soon as you feel yourself explode with pleasure, you stop all stimulation. That, and the wonderful terrible frustration that follows, is a ruined orgasm. 

Gender Differences

For people with penises ruined orgasms are easy to spot. Usually a tell tale sign is cum leaking out of the cock instead of shooting like (most) traditional orgasms. This leaking is a personal favorite of mine, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Some people ejaculate in spurts, some don’t at all. Typically, but not always, the cock in question will twitch wildly in a desperate attempt at finding stimulation. 

Some people are unaware that women and people with vaginas can ruin their orgasms too. It is much less obvious when a female ruins, but it delivers ultimately the same effect. You may see the muscles in the vagina clench uncontrollably and in my experience there is a lot of thrashing about. 

Why ruin?

Now, those of you that look forward to orgasm after a session of self love are probably looking at me like I have three heads. Why on earth would someone want to do this? Well there are a few different reasons:

  • They are on orgasm denial
    • In power exchange relationships it isn’t uncommon for one partner to control the orgasms of the other. A ruined orgasm can act as a punishment or as a reward that offers a tiny bit of relief from the constant need between their legs.
  • They want to extend their session
    • For most people, orgasm means the end of masturbation. If you get too close and accidentally go over, you are done for some period of time. This is not the case with a ruined orgasm. For many people ruining offers a brief moment of relief and then allows them to continue masturbation almost immediately after. In fact, one may find that their sexual appetite comes back just as strong if not stronger after a ruined orgasm.

The effects of a ruined orgasm

The way people respond to ruining is greatly varied. A lot of people absolutely love it and find it helps them stay in a euphoric state of gooning bliss. Others, on the other hand, hate it and get nothing out of it. The first few times someone ruins can be incredibly emotional and cause a wide range of reactions- from anger, to sadness, to apathy or energized.

Personally, the first few ruined orgasms I had made me full of rage, followed by desperate tears. I swore them of for months before trying again and surprising myself with how much I loved the experience. For me, it was much easier to navigate the highs and lows after I had learned more about my body and edging in general. Nowadays, I exclusively ruin during times of orgasm denial over a period of days/weeks/months. It is much better for me during these extended periods of edging than during one off masturbations sessions. 

Are you interested in trying out a ruined orgasm? Have you tried them already and want to share your experience? Let me know in the comments below!

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  • Subhubby

    Loved the blog post on ruined orgasms. One of my favorite topics. It’s almost the only way I cum now other than sex for all the reasons you mentioned. Used to be very emotional for me as well. That instinctual desire to find stimulation at the moment of orgasm is so strong. Learning to control that and let it fuel more masturbation and almost fetishize it has helped me embrace it. Plus I know you like it so…

  • Richard Lovel

    I’ve tried a few self-ruined orgasms, and even did a podcasturbation on the subject. I think it would be hotter to have someone else ruin my orgasm, and tell me in advance that was the plan so I could anticipate (and dread) it.

    So it’s not a regular thing with me. On the other hand, I LOVE to see other males having their orgasms ruined in videos. I can sense their frustration and sweet agony.