Intimacy in a Solosexual Relationship
So, now you know what it means to be solosexual and you may have even come out to your partner! That’s great, but unless you’ve been in certain circles for a long time all of your questions probably weren’t answered yet. There is one topic that comes up over and over when talking about this sexuality: intimacy. Can you still be intimate with another person if you’re solo or are you doomed to a lifetime of feeling alone?
What is intimacy?
There are four main types of intimacy:
- Experiential- doing a task together where you bond
- Emotional- sharing your feelings and emotions
- Intellectual- sharing ideas, debating
- Sexual- sharing sensual or sexual activites
When we talk about intimacy we usually think of purely sexual, but before diving into that I wanted to take a moment to emphasize how fulfilling a relationship can be without that. To find someone that you can be completely emotionally honest with and supported by, who loves your mind and wants to share their life experiences with you is something that is incredible. Everyone, regardless of their orientation should work hard to develop intimacy in all of these areas- not just sexually.
Solosexuals and Sexual Intimacy
This is the part where I tell you that you can have sexual intimacy as a solosexual- maybe. The truth is, like most things, there is no one size fits all answer. Sexuality is a complex spectrum, even among solos. There will be some people that identify as solosexual that will be fine with having sex with their partners because they enjoy fulfilling their needs. Others may not engage in sexual activity at all, only masturbating to ease their bodies natural urges. Many will fall in the middle and it will take some discussion to figure out how they feel and what they are comfortable with.
For those that do fall in the middle there are some activities that can increase those feelings of sexual intimacy when one or both partners are solo. These ideas should be modified for each persons comfort level and interests!
- sharing porn
- sharing erotic literature
- discussing fantasies
- mutual masturbation
- massage
- modified versions of sexy couple games (eg, dice games, truth or dare, etc)
- recalling past sexual experiences
- discussing each partners journey to discovering their sexuality
- hiring an escort (to satisfy one partner while the other watches, or – a fantasy of mine- to masturbate over while she tries on various bikinis…. okay focus Emma)
- masturbation together in unusual scenarios (remember safe, sane, consensual)
- discussing your masturbation habits- frequency, tools, techniques
- Shopping for sex toys together
Whatever you do, have fun with it. It’s only about the two people that are in the relationship, not mine or anyone else’s ideas of what your sex life should be!
Comment below with any other ideas I may have missed!
