Taboo and You: Dealing With Shameful Kinks

If you’re reading my blog you probably have a kink or fetish, maybe buried deep deep down, that you aren’t proud of. Something taboo, embarrassing, or just strange that can make you feel less than good when you think about it in the cold hard light of day.

Photo by **Andrea Piacquadio** from **Pexels**

There are a few things you can do in response to the sinking feeling of shame:

Go scorched earth- delete everything related to your fetish, deny it’s existence, marry a nice lady from church and never speak of it again. This method is probably the worst thing you could do, because it’s essentially signing yourself up for a lifetime of dissatisfaction, resentment, and self hatred. You will never be able to avoid your desires forever, there’s bound to be a slip, and if you’re not careful you’ll be living a secret double life (which now that I say it, it sounds kinda hot! Kidding, kidding).
Ask yourself “Why?”- This simple question is one of the most powerful on earth. Why do you feel ashamed of your fetish, is it because of internal or external forces? Are you actually causing anyone harm or are you deviating from what society has deemed as “normal”? Why do you think you have this kink? For example, I have always had non-consensual fantasies (dont @ me). Does this mean I want to be raped? Or does it maybe have something to do with having a type A personality and a need to release some control? Taking some time to explore your sexual interests and the reasons for their existence is one of the most helpful things you can do to mitigate shame.
Reach out- Whether you find like minded people on a forum or you lay out your sexuality for a therapist talking to someone is one of the best things you can do to combat these negative feelings. When you hold something inside and ruminate you will always make a mountain out of a molehill. this helps no one. Reaching out, especially to a professional, can help alleviate guilt or identify ways to change your sexual appetite.

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