Funny masturbation stories

I put out the call for funny masturbation stories and you answered! Here are some of my favorites:

A Close Call

I had decided to be kinky with my masturbation so got out my cuffs, ballgag, nipple clamps and posture collar. I had been going for so long I lost track of time and then my brother opened my bedroom door seeing why my light was on and i quickly covered myself up hiding my face and drool covered body. Must have been going for at least 3 hours . He just said my name a few times to see if I was awake before leaving my light on and closing my door and went to his room. I was kinda embarrassed and weirdly aroused slightly at almost getting caught


Why You Should Always Knock

I was 18 at least 2 years into being a total gooner. I was still in HS at the time and I had to get ready for school. Now naturally I had been up for hours stroking through the night. And the little sleep I did get still meant I was rock hard when I woke up. Since it was hot I often never sleep with a blanket on. So I was stroking that morning minutes before I needed to “be up and ready to leave”, legs spread wide as I gleefully stroked my penis. My door didn’t have a lock and my parents refused to change that. I was deep in my goon when mom walked in shrieked “holy shit god damn” and slammed the door. Me mortified and semi hard then quickly got changed for school. And left. That night I did the same thing and stroked through the night, my mom never tried to wake me up again.


Wiimote’s Secret Usefulness

If you remember the video game Wii Music. I had a passing interest in it as a teen. It was a game just about shaking the Wii-mote up and down. Super simple. I had it on during the weekend, but got an urge to jerk off. Sitting in my chair a blanket over me at like 3 pm. I started to jerk myself off looking at pictures of girls on my other system the PSP. In the middle of enjoying myself greatly my mom barges in and i immediately feel that panic and dread. Grabbing the Wii-mote that was right next to me i began to actually play it. My mom questioned me, but i took my hand out and was like; “oh sorry I’m just shaking this to the beat”


The Trouble With Bluetooth

So. I was watching some really vulgar dirty talk porn. Specifically, trans porn cause. I mean, hey lol. So it’s like, “yeah get me pregnant, show me what a girl I am” etc. Well the sound cut out. So I turned my phone to max volume. The day before I borrowed my grandmother’s car. She was going to work and my phone auto connected to hey car blue tooth when she turned it on.


And my personal favorite…

[In response to my ask for funny masturbation stories]

So… Is this the part where i tell you about how much it sucks to get Rub A5-35 on your balls?

[omg yes!! sorry I don’t mean to be so excited by your suffering…]

my cock, started rubbing my balls…and then.. Heat? Heat?? Oh no. HEATBURNINGAHHFUCK. Cut to me running to the bathroom bow-legged, desperately hoping that A) A wet cloth will remove the gel and subsequent firey agony, and B)Please don’t let anyone see me on the way to the bathroom


Do you have a hot or funny masturbation story you’d like to see featured on my bog? Send them to me here!