Why I Haven’t Done Mainstream Porn
My friends in gooner circles love to say “Oh, Emma’s a porn star now!” It’s sweet, although untrue. While I do have a solo video on a mainstream site, it was shot and filmed in my own home. I’ve never actually been filmed professionally. Here’s why:
Organization
I am a bit of a neurotic perfectionist. I like my schedules, I like my reminder apps, and most importantly I like control. Before I enter into any situation I like to know every possible detail so that I can mentally prepare myself for all possible scenarios.
This was especially true when I began reaching out to studios about filming. It was initially exciting to get fast responses to my initial inquiry- wow! They wanted to shoot with me in two weeks? That’s so exciting.
Then came my questions- what would we be filming? Penetration? Oral? Anal? I received no response past “It’s a BG.” Translation: boy-girl. All my other questions were ignored until a week before I was supposed to travel, when I cancelled my flight.
“Emma, I already booked your travel? What happened??”
Uhhhhh…. the expectation that I would fly out alone to do god knows what with god knows who happened. No thank you! I am not sure how everyone else feels about it, but I am not interested in being human trafficked thank you very much! (Okay maybe that’s a smidge over dramatic).
Since then most conversations have been similar. No information, weeks between responses, and a seeming “forgetfulness” about what I will and will not shoot. It has put me off a great deal. I am not someone who wants their hand held- but I do want the opportunity to negotiate if and when I am penetrated on camera. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
I should say- not every studio has been this way. Lust Cinema for example was the best I spoke with so far. I had a face to face (virtual) meeting with a member of their casting team where I was able to ask questions, discuss my likes and dislikes, and they even talked to me about the possible effects doing porn could have on my life. I would jump at the chance to work with them if it was offered (maybe once COVID is taken care of).
Safety
Two weeks after my initial “HIRE ME!!!” emails went out a huge scandal broke on Twitter. A fairly popular and reputable studio was outed as being a haven for a sexual predator and abuser. Not only that, but it was largely insinuated that agents had knowledge of this and were still sending new models out- miles outside of LA- to work with them.
I am not located in LA and I’m not involved in the professional scene to know if the accusations against the agents were true- but reading over models stories it struck me that a lot of the stories were the same- drugs and alcohol, blurred lines, fuzzy consent, and a lack of communication (see above).
Is that what we mean when we say professional? I don’t think so. It was enough to have me spooked. And then, on top of it all, we had a HUGE spike in COVID in south Florida- especially Miami, where most porn is filmed.
Remember how I said the studios were eager to film with me? Here’s why: Veteran performers were unwilling to work in unsafe conditions leaving them with a huge need to fill in spots with fresh talent. It didn’t take too long to figure that out.
When I brought up my COVID concerns they assured me that everyone would be tested for the virus… within two weeks of filming. I was expected to get on a packed airplane during the peak of a pandemic, stay in a an air bnb, get in the makeup chair and be breathed on, then have sex with someone who passed a covid test two weeks prior.
I think I’ll pass on that one too.
Solosexuality
Of all the reasons for why I haven’t done porn, this one probably takes the cake. See, I don’t actually WANT to have sex. Would it be fun? Probably. I would most likely even enjoy it- all my parts are functional. I definitely can still feel pleasure. But… I prefer to be on my own, masturbating. I mean… it’s kind of my whole brand.
Sure, studios shoot solos. But in my talks with them it was always very obvious they wanted more. And realistically there’s only so many times they would shoot me by myself. I also love giving blowjobs, its my favorite thing in the world. But would I be able to do that without it eventually moving on to penetration?
This is something that still worries me when I think of venturing into porn. Can I be my authentic self and still be successful or should I play a character? In a world where pornography is only getting more extreme is there even room for someone like me?
I don’t know the answer to these questions. Maybe I never will. For now, I’m happy with what I’m doing. My clip creation is booming- especially when it comes to customs- and there are some days when my phone sex accounts are so busy I feel like I can’t keep up. Maybe porn- the thing I love so much- is just not meant for me.
I think I can be okay with that.
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