Six Month Life Update
A lot has happened since I last blogged and I wish I could blame my radio silence on that, but I could never lie to you dear reader. Truthfully, even though I have been having a lot of new experiences a combination of feeling like I had nothing interesting to say and laziness has kept me mostly silent. But that ends today! Buckle up and get ready to READ!!
Fucking Fucking and more Fucking
Since my last update I have slept with 12 new people for porn. When you are intimate with that many people in such a short amount of time you can’t help but learn a LOT about yourself and oh boy did I learn!
The most important thing that came out of it was that I really, truly, do not get off from sex. Turning someone else on, sucking dick, and playing with boobs absolutely arouses me, but penetration does next to nothing for me. In fact, when it comes to porn sex more often than not it hurts! At a panel I attended in January, someone described porn performers as sexual athletes and It’s true! It is like a performance and a workout combined; your muscles are screaming at you while your cervix is being pounded at an angle that serves only the camera. Don’t get me wrong it can be TONS of fun, especially when you’re with the right people, but it is work and I will never have an orgasm from porn sex.
Save Me Niche!
After exploring the wide wonderful world of collaborating with others I found myself feeling dissatisfied. I pushed myself to work with new people of all body types- not all of which I was attracted to, in hopes of attracting new fans, more attention, and more opportunities. While the social media interaction went up, the sales did not necessarily follow. It turns out my fan base did not necessarily want to see me fucking all these different body types. They were happiest when I was in my niche – joi’s, gooning, porn addiction – and only were interested in seeing me fuck black men.
So why was I wasting my time? Why was I suffering through shoots I did not love with concepts I did not care for and people that sometimes were smelly? Now days I am comfortable staying where I belong, doing only the collaborations that I really want to do and exploring further what my niche fetishes have in store.
I feel a new level of clarity and passion to create that I never have before. Setting up for filming has become second nature when in the past it was a frustrating time-consuming process. My passive income from my now massive catalog of videos has made it so that I can spend more time than ever planning and editing. I can feel that this year is going to propel me to better things while still staying true to myself and I have never been more excited!
Networking, Travel, and Conventions
By attending events like XBIZ and Exxxotica I have met an amazing number of people, which has led me to opportunities I never thought possible. I’ve performed in three fashion shows, spoken on panels, and even now have started running my very own booth at conventions!
With this of course comes travel. At the start of 2022 I made it a goal to travel somewhere new every single month! After visiting New Jersey, DC, and Los Angeles back to back I quickly decided that some dreams are meant to be dreams. Traveling is exhausting and planes are always uncomfortable no matter which class you are in! I have really started to appreciate being home with my boyfriend (who I moved in with in January!!) and my cats, drinking a large glass of rose. That being said, after a few weeks at home I do get antsy… so I do still travel. This year I’ve been to LA, Las Vegas, Chicago, and Miami. I know for certain I will be in Miami, New Jersey, and DC again before the year is out and I still have dreams of doing a series where I suck dick in every state. Wanderlust still has a hold on me.
To Sum It All Up…
I could never possibly tell you everything that has gone down since October. I have lots more to talk about, like the challenges of being an introverted social media personality, caring for a loved one with alzheimer’s, and my very first time doing an in person appointment with a fan. Alas, these will have to be topics for another day.
Until then, I want you to know that I still feel like the very same girl I was when this all started. I still spend most nights tangled up under the covers with porn, masturbating to my hearts content. I still spend days at a time with video games and yes I am still painfully shy. But every day I am growing and changing into a more powerful, confident, and beautiful woman. I’ve been nominated for five awards and I don’t plan to slow down on that any time soon.
I will be the world favorite fat gooner girl, sweet and spicy, nerdy with a love to laugh. I am nowhere near finished with this journey.
