The Lie of the Online Slave
“Please mistress, I don’t have any money but I will be your slave. I will do anything you ask of me”
I receive offers like this several times per week, and as the pandemic stretches on the frequency continues to grow. I sympathize with these guys, I really do. Money is tight right now and they are looking to fulfill their desire to be dominated on a discount.
They think, surely, offering up myself as a slave will be worthwhile, I will do anything she wants. It will be mutually beneficial! This is almost never the reality, especially as I am an online only sex worker.
When someone says they want to be my slave here is what they usually mean:
- I want to be able to message you at any time I am horny, bored, or in need of emotional support and receive a response for free
- I want you to make a large amount of decisions for me, which will require your time, thought and attention.
- I have a skill that I can offer you like editing or reposting your content to my social media. I’ll get to see all of this content free of charge in exchange for watermarking them on ms paint.
Really, all aspects of this come down to them *taking*. Because there is this theoretical thought that I could ask them to do whatever I want at any moment, they are misguided into thinking it’s an equal exchange. This misunderstanding is caused by the assumption that they understand what I want.
What I want out of my life, in descending order of importance
- To pay my bills and put food on the table so I don’t die
- To share knowledge and promote self acceptance in our community
- To express my sexuality through the art that I create and experiences I provide
- Fulfilling personal relationships
- Travel
- Material Goods
When they offer to become my slave, what needs of mine are being fulfilled (other than the sexual ones that others are paying for)? I have had too much content leaked to allow just anyone editing privileges. It could be argued that I could develop a real bond with them, but the likelihood that we would “click” is low- and besides, how fulfilling of a relationship could I truly have with someone who views me as the character of “Mistress” or “Mommy” truly be?
In fact, many of my needs are directly impeded by this slave concept. My time and attention are drawn away from my work to respond to their messages or plan a session, causing me to lose out on relationships with others- and possibly money that I need for the rest.
I don’t want a slave, I want a client. My clients are some of the best people I know, because they respect me. We get to have some of the deepest and most intense interactions because I’m able to be fully present knowing I am meeting my financial needs. Many of them I actually would and do enjoy speaking to outside of “business”, but they always understand that my time is precious.
