Three Things I Learned After One Year of Sex Work

Although I have spent many years dabbling in the adult work scene, I didn’t truly dive in full time until 2020. When I started taking it seriously I thought I knew everything there is to know about sex work. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

An Epidemic of Shame

The most impactful thing that I realized in this past year is that there is an epidemic of sexual shame worldwide. When we think of this type of shame we usually imagine how it affects women and it’s true that we often take the brunt of the overt attacks on sexuality.

For men there is a different but equally damaging type of war waged. It is a type that quietly seeps in to the fabric of society and poisons self esteem. This concept of man as an aggressor and conquoror, always ready to dominate and penetrate has led to a silent suffering. In my experience there is a common experience that arises if a man doesn’t feel that he fits this role.

First, he will try to hide it. Especially in older generations its common for a guy to pretend to be societies expectation of masculinity- even to the point of marrying someone they are sexually incompatible with. Eventually their need for sexual satisfaction becomes too strong and they turn to women like me, in secret, to get their kicks.

Stress needs Connection

I jumped into sex work at the start of a global pandemic. I was terrified that this was a mistake, especially as unemployment numbers began to rise. Would people really be able to splurge on clips and sessions during this crisis?

Luckily, something interesting happened. Every time a traumatic event happened there would be a short dip in traffic followed by a boon. It seems that stress drives a need for connection, fantasy, and release.

There have been many customers who expressed that they could not afford to spend on me until they became more stable after COVID, but even more have had no issue at all. It seems that a temporary escape from reality is worth the cost.

Acceptance of Sex Work is an Illusion

Onlyfans has become common knowledge in vanilla circles. Beyonce, Cardi B, Bella Thorne, and more have helped push it to the forefront of pop culture. More and more women are starting accounts hoping to get rich quick.

Because of this an idea of adult entertainment as a socially acceptable career has started to proliferate. Consumers especially have begun to believe that we are in an era where a woman can step into sex work with no problem.

Unfortunately this is far from the truth. Anti-trafficking groups like Exodus Cry and NICOSE are successfully waging war on porn (see Pornhub’s content purge). More and more states and counties are declaring porn as a public health crisis. A porn actress was recently fired from a Taco Bell of all places after customer complaints.

You only need to browse reddit or twitter comment sections to see that there is an ugly underbelly of people who believe sex workers like me should be ostricized, outlawed, and even killed.

I think many people, especially women that are new to the world of virtual sex work, don’t realize the danger of getting into this world. It only gets more complicated and perilous each day.